Perfect
by sweety969
Summary: Lily's not perfect, but Jane is. Songfic to "F**kin' Perfect" by P!nk SHMxLLP


Autor's Note:

I'm not a native English Speaker, so please don't be so harsh about mistakes in grammar and/or spelling. I don't own anything about Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does. I only own the plot and my OC Jane. I hope you like it.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice  
Dug my way out, blood and fire  
Bad decisions, that's alright  
Welcome to my silly life

Lily always thought of Jane as her Role Model. She was popular with all the other kids, whereas Lily was always awkward around people. Jane played Quidditch. She was the Chaser for Ravenclaw and often the cause for their wins. Lily on the other side much rather sat in the library than playing Quidditch. A fact that made her parents look at her with strange looks, while Aunt Hermione celebrated it. Was it the wrong decision to not follow her brothers footsteps into Gryffindor, but rather go where she really belonged? Was Slytherin really the wrong House for a Potter like everyone said? Jane, her best friend, always said it didn't matter, but deep inside Lily knew it did.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood  
Miss "No way, it's all good", it didn't slow me down  
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated  
Look, I'm still around

The girls in her House where sometimes taunting her for going to the library instead of the games. And for never missing out on a class because of a hangover after some wild celebration party in the common room. Lily just didn't see the use of that. But most of the time they didn't even seem to notice her. Like she was just a waft of air that sometimes opened and closed the door of their dorm room. Jane said that she was just too much of an inconspicuousness. Too much of a wall flower. One would think that with red hair, you can't be plain, but she was an exception to the law, it seems. So Lily tried to show them that she was still there. She trained for Quidditch, all throughout the holidays and by the time she boarded the Hogwarts Express for her 5th year, she felt ready to go through tryouts.

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel  
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect  
Pretty pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're fuckin' perfect to me!

Her mum always said she was perfect the way she was but Lily couldn't believe that. She wasn't popular like all perfect kids are. Nor was she very athletic like her mum. So, what was there to be proud of. Her loneliness? Her body's inability to do the one thing she always wanted to do: To make everyone proud? No, Lily decided, there was nothing.

You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong  
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead  
So complicated, look how big, you'll make it  
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game  
It's enough! I've done all I can think of  
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

"Why do you hate yourself so much, Lily?", Jane asked her one day. What was there to say for Lily? Because I'm not like you? Because no one likes me the way I am? No, that would probably sound like she was a looser and Jane would suddenly realize how pathetic Lily was. So Lily said nothing and lived on. After her tryouts more people knew about her so she wasn't always as lonely as before. Although she was just a substitute for Chaser, she was happy for the first time since her first year. In her first ever game she had nothing to do except for watching her first ever Quidditch match at Hogwarts. The second game was more brutal so after 10 minutes she had to replace the top Chaser of the team, Scorpius Malfoy, because he was hit on the head by a Beaters' batch. (Don't ask.)

So Lily played Quidditch for the first time ever and it was a great feeling to win. After the game she visited Scorpius in the infirmary, because on the one hand she wasn't one to party and on the other hand she wanted to know if everything was alright. There was no one else there which surprised Lily, because she thought he was quite popular. He laid on the second to last bed on the right side of the ward.

When she walked over to the bed, he suddenly began to speak: "Go away, Nott." Alex Nott was the Beater, who hit Scorpius during the match. Silently Lily stepped even closer. She didn't know where her sudden courage came from, but it was refreshing. He sounded defeated and tired and all Lily wanted was to change that. When he couldn't hear someone walking away, he turned around frowning. But after he saw Lily his expression changed to one of pure confusion. Lily smiled. "I'm not Nott, so I thought it was okay to stay."

Scorpius slowly nodded, still looking confused as hell. "You're the sub, right?", he asked. Now it was her turn to nod. "Lily.", she said, still smiling. He didn't smile. "Why are you here?" Should she tell him the truth or a less humiliating lie. She decided that the truth would be better. "I don't like parties, especially since most of the people there only know me by my last name and judge me because of that. And I felt like you where the only one to need me right now." The last sentence was barely whispered and, thank god, he didn't hear it.

"What is your last name?", he asked instead. Lily looked at the blonde boy uneasy. "Potter"

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're fuckin' perfect to me

Jane was always insisting that Lily was just as beautiful as Jane herself was. But Lily knew that wasn't true. No one could ever be as beautiful as Jane. Lily knew she was just as far away from Jane's level as she was from going to China. "You're another type of beautiful. More like the hidden beauty. You are too shy to show it, but you have such a beautiful and wonderful personality. You are clever and cunning, but also kind and brave. You represent all the house traits and no one knows it, because you let nobody see.", Jane once said, but that was just impossible. Yeah, the head had taken its fair share of time while sorting her, but there was never the choice to go just anywhere. For her it was Ravenclaw or Slytherin and maybe the little chance of going to Gryffindor to see her brothers more often. So the only response Jane got was: "You're going nuts."

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear  
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer  
So cool and limed and we try, try, try  
But we try too hard and its a waste of my time  
Done looking for the critics 'cause there everywhere  
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair  
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time  
Why do we do that, why do I do that?  
Why do I do that?

"Everyone is scared, you know? Most people are just better in hiding it then others. Those are the people who are popular, because they seem so sure about everything, that all the other people just follow their lead.", Scorpius once said, wile they were alone in the common room. After her visit in the hospital wing, they quickly became friends. But Lily was still a bit uncomfortable around people so they only met in private. He understood her in a way no one had before. Not her mum. Not her dad. Not even Jane. Her response was a nod. She could follow this explanation. "So to become popular you first have to overcome your fears, or at least hide them better." Another nod. "The second step is to ignore the talk, because it's just that: talk. You can't get everyone to like you. Some might be jealous, some can't get along with you. And to compensate for that they will talk. The key is to ignore them. It doesn't matter if they think your hair looks weird as long as you're happy with it. I know that this is the hardest part of the operation and most people don't get past this step, but I know that you can, if you really want to." Lily smiled. She loved how he was always encouraging her to come out of her shell. And Lily knew, he was slowly tearing down every wall she had carefully build around her over the years.

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're fuckin' perfect to me!  
You're perfect, you're perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're fuckin' perfect to me

Years later Lily stared into the mirror. Her belly looked like it was swollen, but it had no bruise to it and the fact that she had not been on her period for 2 months, led to only one conclusion: She was pregnant. Of course, it was not really a surprise to anyone. After all she was already married for two years. But she still felt too young and inexperienced to have a child. Plus her rapidly growing belly made her feel uncomfortable and fat. Was it really worth it. She was barely an adult herself. How could she ever be able to care for a child? A child she couldn't just give away when it would start to cry. A child that would rob her of her job as an Unspeakable. Because it was too dangerous. Or so he said. But Lily loved her job. Suddenly she felt important. Something she had never felt before. Well, except for her wedding day of course. She felt happy remembering his oath and their kiss. And she felt even happier thinking of the night that followed after.

She heard the door open to their flat and panicked. She was sure he had found out by now, like she had. Would he be angry? Sad? Happy? She quickly pulled her shirt down to greet him with a warm smile like every other day. Although, today it was insecure and anxious.

His whiteblonde hair was standing in every direction, like her father's and he looked exhausted.

"Hey darling.", he said tiredly and disappeared into the bathroom of their little flat. Lily just stood there, still panicking. What was wrong? Had she done something wrong? Or was it Lily's... situation that had him upset?

After 2 minutes he reentered the room. This time looking more like himself and more awake.

"Lily-darling, why did I find this in the trash can?", he asked holding up the empty package for the pregnancy test Lily bought earlier. She had carefully dispersed the test itself, but had apparently forgotten about its package. How could that have happened.

Lilys hands automatically found their way to her belly and so did his eyes.

"No, you're not. It can't be.", he said blankly.

Lily just looked down, sad. He is angry, she thought. But she was wrong.

"Oh Lily, why haven't you said anything?", he laughed and hugged her tightly. Then he kissed her. And Lily couldn't stop her tears anymore.

"We're still so young and a baby will make me look fat and ugly.", she complained in a whisper.

"Lily, look at me, yes, we are young, but we love each other and we both have a job so we can support the baby. Although I would really like you to quit yours for at least a little while. It's just too dangerous. And so what, if you get a little chubby, then I just have more of you that I can love. And you will always be the most beautiful person on this planet to me."

Now Lily smiled. Her fears forgotten. "Thank you, Scorpius."

 _ **The End**_


End file.
